Another common misunderstanding is that INFJs are controlling or closed-minded. This typically stems from INFJs’ tendency to extravert Judging (Fe). But as I’ve described elsehwhere, IJs are often better understood as Perceivers because their dominant function (e.g., Ni) is a Perceiving function. In actuality, INFJs, especially those further along in their type development, are surprisingly adaptable and open-minded. While rarely wearing their openness on their sleeves, as ENFPs are wont to do, INFJs can be surprisingly open to unique or unconventional relational practices.
Nor is it the case that INFJs are overly controlling, or even want to be in control, in their relationships. As dominant Perceivers, they are generally healthiest when they allow life to come to them. Many INFJs have discovered that if they take it upon themselves to act and directly control outcomes, bad results often ensue. For INFJs, “action” can be understood as a direct employment of their inferior function (Se). And as I’ve discussed elsewhere, overt or direct employment of the inferior often produces undesirable outcomes. All of this is to say that the optimal role of INFJs in a relationship is generally a more receptive one, using their Ni and Fe to understand and interpret the world rather than trying to control it.
Another misconception about INFJs is that they are emotionally “needy.” This likely stems from the fact that INFJs extravert and readily express their emotions a la Fe. INFJs differ from the cultural norm in this respect, as the emotionally-restrained presentation of Fi predominates among American females. But just because INFJs are quicker to express their emotions does not make them any needier than FP types. In fact, since most men use Fe rather Fi (at least in the U.S.), they might appreciate the fact that, when paired with an INFJ, they needn’t guess about what their partner is feeling.
Yet another misunderstanding is the claim that INFJs “read into things that are not there” or “make mountains out of molehills.” Such accusations can be troubling for INFJs, since reading into things a la their Ni is what they are born to do. In most cases, such accusations derive not from any wrongdoing on the part of the INFJ, but from the assumptions or ego sensitivities of their partners. For instance, by saying things like “Are you okay?” or “You don’t seem yourself today” INFJs are trying to gather more information in order to better understand their partner. Unfortunately, their partner may interpret these as judgments or critiques, inciting a defensive response. If such exchanges were to occur regularly and without rectification, the INFJ might begin to introvert her feelings and doubt her own intuition, a sure recipe for personal and relational disaster.
There is nothing more rewarding than being told “you’re a good friend/awesome person” and then being remembered. The biggest prize for me is being looked for, being needed and I’m thankful of what I have right now because even when I want to be alone there is always someone poking me. I’m appreciated by many and every day for many more, good because I’ve worked for that and it is time already for me to accept that my main inspiration is humanity and my art should work for it.
Fact 99: INFJs make NTs cry! Or at least acknolwedge their own souls, even if for a split second. And we consider that a huge accomplishment ;)
I hate this but with me it’s true. Happened in the past and lastly with two males ENTP and xNTJ friends I have. I didn’t know what to do, I even thought “oh, god, why do I make people cry instead of smile?”, then I stopped talking.
INFJs are made up of child-like innocence, lost in their dreams, and “old soul” depth, searching for the deeper meaning in life.
INFJs have the ability to see things from all angles, which makes us good advisers, translators and peace-makers.
When an INFJ asks you how you ended up here, they…
When an INFJ is staring into space she is miles away, years into the future, and living out her dreams. Remember this when you break her focus. Much like being woken up from a good dream, you have ripped her away from her deepest desires and into the unsatisfying present, reminding her that the life she was living a moment ago, the man she was with, the life they had together, doesn’t exist.
A moderator of The INTJ Way asked me about my friendship with an INTJ. What it’s like from the INFJ perspective. This is my response
Hello. Yes I was nodding my head in agreement as I read your post. :) The only thing that I found noticeably different was that he badgered you over your emotions. I don’t do that with my INTJ, but maybe I might have a bit if I hadn’t found out about his personality type. Knowing what I know about him now and having had him open up somewhat as to how his cogs work etc, there are things I know to be pointless or a bad idea to go on about and I truly value his friendship and thus, do my best not to mess it up. Similarly I know he makes an effort to keep me satisfied with our friendship too. For example, compliments don’t come naturally to him but he knows I love them, so he has made the effort there. It’s appreciated. I find him adorable and refreshing. I personally feel that I’m better off being around someone who is outwardly pretty even keel to be around. I pick up stress easy and being around outwardly emotional people, depressed people, stressed people, has a negative effect on me. Usually when we are together we are making each other laugh or having quite fascinating conversations that span many topics. Our differences tend to either make me chuckle or fascinate me rather than cause much angst. :)
I think the awesome thing in INTJs is that they can put you in your place when you’re overreacting or being too emotional/dramatic, they don’t “side” you in a problem, they talk objetively and then yes, they are fun :D